flickering signifiers

when

i’ve been away from the internets for a couple of days, i’m always surprised at how little has happened.

waxing moon.

i keep starting to write a post, but life is kind of hard to put into words right now. instead, i am distracted by adventures, stretching for hundreds of miles from the beach in baja california to the frosty northern lights. here at the end of october, things seem possible again, which is strange way to feel in the foothills of winter.

i am excited to go hunting in the cold months.

it's been a while.

september evaporated into the heaviness of the past few weeks. i’ve been surrounded by reminders of the fragility of the body, the tenuousness of life. i find myself thinking, “this last winter was so hard. thank god the summer’s here to redeem us.” but then i look up and realize the summer’s already gone and we’re staring straight into another winter. loss is a constant, and gain seems to only come with lots and lots of hard work. i’m thankful for the harvest moon to help me mark time.

the reaping: i watched two friends who love each other very much get married in a beautiful park and then danced in their backyard for hours. i finished two new videos just in time for my screening at the nwff this past saturday. it was scary to see the images projected so large and to hear my own voice in a theater sound system, but i felt brave and honest. i am moving into a beautiful new space, collapsing my studio work and my daily routines into a more serious practice. i have a new friend who is reminding me to revel in the slow unfolding and just let the mystery be.

returning.

it’s been a while since i wrote a proper post. i’m finally back at home after my month of travels, readjusting to the time zone and quiet. i’m excited for autumn, that exhalation of dry leaves and woodsmoke, because here in seattle, it seems to last forever, well past the mid-november snows that blanket vermont. i feel most myself in those clear, crisp days. yes, it’s a closing chapter on the riot of summer, but for me, it’s a season of hopefulness. so many good things are happening.

i made a promise to cook and bake more.

i am screening some recent video work at the nw film forum on sept 17 from 5-7pm.

i directed and edited a video which will be part of the french project shows at gainsbourg, sep 14-16.

i am looking for a new place to live, with more space to accommodate guests and studio work.

i found an old love again.

i am turning 35 in two months.

homesick.

the product of being away for so long is that small things begin to remind me of the distance i still have to travel before being back home again. i think that homesickness can exist peacably alongside a genuine engagement in my present location, without detracting from my enjoyment of the experience of being away. i went to a party here in innsbruck last night where burritos were served for dinner in honor of a visiting friend who is originially from texas. it was a great evening, shifting between german, english and even a little spanish. it wasn’t the large signifiers that you would imagine triggering the homesickness, but rather the guacamole that made me incredibly melancholy.